She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
