I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
