farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
