There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
