May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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