You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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