I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
