Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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