I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
