Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
