she smelled like a LAN party
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
