well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
