I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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