the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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