I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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