Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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