So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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