idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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