I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
