My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And then he peed in my hair
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