Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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