Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
