I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
