Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
