If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
