This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
