Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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