There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
