And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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