She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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