she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
