A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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