He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
