no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
