what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
