I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
