Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
