i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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