When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
