Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
