You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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