What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
