Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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