My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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