i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We had to coat check the pizza.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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