I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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