Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
