I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
