Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
