I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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